I swung by the health food store and picked up my usual item: “Revitalizing Greens for Women Over 40”. A supplement packed with organic vegetables and super foods, the package says it’s “great tasting, even in water.”
That, my friends, is a total lie. You will retch violently unless you camouflage the taste with juice, hold your breath and slug it down before you can think too much about it.
Not until after having opened the container and downing my putrid concoction did I realize I’d mistakenly purchased and drunk “Revitalizing Greens for MEN”.
What was this strange urge to visit Bass Pro Shop?
I put it out of my mind.
As I thought about dinner preparations, I shoved to the back of the fridge the tofu and veggies I’d bought for a meatless stir fry.
Yeah, I’m gonna need to go by the store today, I decided. A thick, juicy t-bone sounds more like it. And baked potato.
Off I went to the grocery store, never once wondering if my butt looked too big in my jeans.
Strangely, all the drivers on the road seemed like idiots this day. I honked my horn at them and made gestures to help them understand the sheer inconvenience of having to share the road with such inadequate and poorly trained drivers.
A movie with dinner sounded good so I went by Blockbuster on the way home. Every now and then, I love to catch an old one. As I perused the aisles, I rolled my eyes in disgust at all the silly movies on display….”Sleepless in Seattle”, “Sweet Home Alabama”…. please.
But wait…here’s something of worth: “Dumb and Dumber”, “Rambo”, “Diehard”. Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!
As I drifted off to sleep that night, I remembered the 35 ladies coming to my home in the morning for a brunch I was hosting. It had slipped my mind to clean the house and it’d been a few weeks. But hey, I thought, it’ll be just fine…and maybe Domino’s delivers at 10:00 a.m. I’ll check first thing in the morning. Within seconds, I was snoring blissfully with not a care in the world.
I’ve concluded that the testosterone driven thoughts of that day were simply my imagination and not to be taken seriously.
Never mind the fact that today I traded my Honda Civic for a Toyota Tundra Double Cab.